By Jennie Chancey, posted on 12 October, 2009

Having been home educated from the fifth grade through high school, I went into marriage ready and willing to teach my own children — and excited at the prospect. The beauty of having been taught at home myself (and marrying another homeschool grad) is that I had "lifelines" I could use whenever I had a question. My husband's parents and mine were just a phone call away. Yet when it came down to the nitty gritty of setting up a plan for teaching our children, I found that it didn't just "come naturally," though I'd rather thought it would. After all, I'd been home educated, so I should know exactly what to do when it came to teaching my own children, right?

Wrong.

Because learning became such a natural part of the rhythm of life, I never paid attention to the "bones" of it. I never stopped to analyze why my parents chose certain approaches and rejected others or how they tailored each child's work to harness his particular strengths and build up his weaknesses. The whole teaching process was practically "invisible" to me, because it was just there. Years later, with my firstborn on my lap, sounding out words in a book, I felt both exhilaration and panic. First, I was thrilled that he could read; second, I was terrified at the thought of everything my husband and I needed to teach him! So I picked up the phone . . . often. Mom was always very reassuring and encouraging. Most of all, she reminded me to RELAX. She and Dad had a very simple approach to home education:

1. Teach them to read.
2. Teach them to think.
3. Teach them to communicate.

Those were the "bones" of home education. With that skeleton, it was simple to add muscle and skin. Simple, that is, if you refused to get bogged down or distracted by the positively dizzying array of curriculum choices out there and all the "perfect" methods for teaching children. On her first visit to a curriculum fair (way back in the Ancient Times of the 1980s, when the modern home education movement was still in its infancy), Mom said she felt totally overwhelmed by all the choices. And they were a drop in the bucket compared to the convention halls of today, crammed to the rafters with every imaginable educational resource.

So what's a mom to do? I've been cornered many times by mothers wanting to know how my parents did it, and the question always comes up: "What curriculum did they use?" The truth is that, though we started with "school in a box," we moved away from that after a year of frustration, and Mom and Dad began to build their own curriculum just for our family, tailored to each individual child. That sounds incredibly daunting, but the reverse is true. It was freeing.

A lot of moms I meet wish they had older mentors who could guide them as they take baby steps into home education — or who could give them a reality check a few years into the journey. For them such a mentor is the "missing link" in home education and child training. I've been blessed to have my mother, my mother-in-law, and one other lady whose influence had a profound impact on both my husband and me when we were newlyweds just beginning this journey of parenthood: Victoria Botkin.

Matt and I first met the Botkin family shortly after our honeymoon, as we sat starry-eyed on a pew at church. The Botkins lived 45 minutes away from us and invited us over for a meal, then another, then more and still more until they moved away two and a half years later. We got far more than food. We experienced a spiritual and intellectual feast that gave us even greater clarity of vision for our goals as a couple and as a growing family. The Botkin home became legend and still lives in our memories, colored by the warmth of their fellowship and the depths of their conversation.

I've often looked back on the times we spent in the Botkin home and wished I had copies of our conversations on tap so I could replay them whenever I needed a boost or a shot in the arm of practical "how-to." Well, now I've got exactly that, and you can get it, too!

Yesterday evening I received previews of two new messages Victoria has recorded for home educating mothers (augmented by sections recorded by her husband and children). Titled simply "Curriculum Advice," these two messages are absolutely chock-full of practical, simple, breathe-easy guidance to help you create an atmosphere of learning in your home and lead your children to read, think, and communicate. Victoria explains things so clearly that you might begin to think, "This sounds too simple." Don't be deceived: It is simple. While training and teaching children is a lot of work and requires a great deal of sacrifice, it does not have to be stressful or difficult. Victoria demonstrates that we make it so when we load ourselves and our children down with textbooks and "methods" that we haven't carefully examined or sifted through.

Perhaps the most commonly overlooked first step of home education is for parents to educate themselves and really learn to know their children, discovering their unique facets. My parents had three very different children who benefited from the attention of parents who were tuned in to us and knew our eccentricities. Victoria discusses this at some length, all the while assuring us that we can instruct the "difficult" child if we will simply be patient and encouraging. Our tone of voice can often make or break our work with a particular child. Frustration or impatience in a mother's voice will open the doors wide for the same emotions in the child. The keywords for these messages stand out so plainly:

• Relax
• Enjoy
• Speak with the "law of kindness"
• Practice patience
• Love
• Be as eager to learn as your children are

You don't need a fancy curriculum, Victoria assures us. In fact, you're better off without the bells and whistles, because you can then take the time to focus on the child instead of the "method." At one point, Victoria shares a story about standardized tests. She and her husband hadn't been teaching their children to pass tests, and she began to feel anxious about their ability to pass them if it became necessary in the future. So she gave them a test without any preparation just to see how they'd do. They all scored in the 90th percentile, so she stopped worrying about "teaching to the test" and just went on with what she and her husband had planned for their children.

One thing I love about the relaxed approach advocated by the Botkins is that it involves a lot of time simply sitting and cuddling with your children while reading aloud and talking. The only "method" that you need comes from Deuteronomy 6: "You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up." It's an all-day thing that should flow just as naturally as breathing. Talk to your children. Talk to them some more. Encourage them to ask questions. When you don't know the answers, find them with your children.

Volume 1 of this two-CD (or MP3) set covers early education — including the whys and wherefores of bringing up children "in the nurture and admonition of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4). Geoff Botkin provides an excellent prologue, explaining why God calls parents to teach their children and why this is, in the end, the very best way to communicate truth from one generation to the next. He also gives a brief overview of the Marxist model of education, which seeks to isolate children from their God-given place in history and distance them from their parents and siblings. After this sobering reminder of why we do what we do, Victoria paints a beautiful picture of what the Christian home can and should look like and how children can learn naturally and easily in such an environment. Eldest daughter Anna Sophia describes her early memories of home life, down to the classical music playing in the background and her father's paintings hanging on the wall.

It is important for us to understand that home education isn't just about books. Oh, the books are important, and we should build our family libraries — but the very atmosphere of the home communicates so much to our children. What we love will be evident in the very way we arrange our furniture. Is the television central, or is conversation central? What we value will be demonstrated by the things with which we surround ourselves. What are our priorities? Immaculate houses or true "living" spaces that admit muddy feet and paint-spattered hands?

Victoria tells us how to encourage creativity in our children and prevent them from becoming dependent upon entertainment to keep them happy or distracted. It's amazing how many things a big cardboard box can become for a child! Volume 1 is filled with helpful tips for the early years of home education and will inspire you as you encourage your little ones to love learning and explore the world around them. Victoria also shares how important it is to include little folks in the everyday tasks of the household--even when their "help" means a bigger mess to clean up later. Firstborn perfectionists, take note! I'll be the first to admit this is one area I've struggled with, and my mother has had to remind me to let the children help with the work, however clumsily at first. As Geoff Botkin notes, the children will soon be blessing you with their abilities, and you will reap a harvest of help.

Volume 2 covers older children ("what about Algebra?") and gets into the nitty gritty of teaching writing and speaking skills — subjects that are often daunting for mothers who don't feel equipped to cover high school. Rest assured, Victoria navigates these shoals expertly and will show you how to take one step at a time without faltering. I loved hearing about the Botkin children's adventures in keeping journals and how their parents would not let them go back and correct early mistakes. Those errors make for great memories and fun reading later as their skills improve. It is so satisfying for a child to be able to look back and see how far he's come. My two oldest sons have gotten a lot of laughs out of early attempts at spelling and dictation work. The point isn't to get everything right the first time; it's to build, "precept upon precept, line upon line" (Isaiah 28:10).

I could go on and on, but I want you to get these messages and hear them yourself. These are ones you want to keep handy and listen to at least once a year to help sharpen your focus and encourage you to relax and enjoy teaching your children. Visit Western Conservatory. I know you're going to be refreshed and blessed by what you hear, and I hope you'll turn around and share what you've found with others. Pass it on!

© Copyright 2002-2009 by LAF/BeautifulWomanhood.org. Republished with permission.