By Benjamin & Audri Botkin, posted on 1 August, 2011

Before Audri and I were engaged, we spent about a four-month period getting to know each other as well as we possibly could with our parents' blessing. We knew that before making a decision to either marry or part ways we had to be confident we knew who the other person actually was and the state of their heart before the Lord.

It was a period we entered into with much prayer. The future of two lives belonging to the Lord hung in the balance. So, in order to learn as much as possible about each other, we asked each other a lot of questions. Below is a sampling of some of the ones we asked each other and discussed together during that four-month window... we pray that it will be helpful to you. We will be addressing some of this material during our 5-week Marrying Well webinar, which begins on Aug. 15th.

- Ben and Audri Botkin

Questions:

• Would you be willing to die for Christ? If you're not dying daily, how can you be so sure you would then?
• What breaks your heart? What delights your innermost heart?
• Who are your disciples?
• Who are your closest friends?
• When did you really start to seek the Lord?
• When did you start to obey the Word because it was the Word?
• What do you believe about Salvation?
• When did [fruit of the Spirit x] start appearing in your life?
• What is a besetting sin? What are yours?
• What do you believe about sin? What do you believe about Rom 6 & 7?
• What do you think about your family? Are you good friends? How is sibling ____ doing?
• What does theology mean? Just lists of doctrines?
• How do you get doctrine? How do you determine right doctrine?
• What is your attitude towards historically held positions?
• How big is your vision for your disciple-making influence?
• What are your main messages?
• Are you pursuing and involving yourself in fruitful projects that advance/build the kingdom?
• Are you interested in/focused on continual spiritual growth - in yourself, your wife, and your family?
• What is your heart towards the lost soul and what do you believe your duty to God is regarding that soul?
• What do you believe are non-negotiable elements of a Christ-honoring marriage?
• What do you believe are non-negotiable elements of a Christ-honoring family?
• What are things you see as God's blessings? Do you desire and cherish these things?
• What are the primary events or situations in your life that have defined who you are today--the most formulating experiences and periods of your life?
• What have been the hardest things you have ever had to work through? The hardest things you have ever done?
• Who have been the main disciplers in your life and the people who have impacted and colored your life the most? As a child, adult--whenever.
• Who were your role models and heroes? For what reasons?
• You are the result of the influence of which people?
• Which women/men do you admire the most and want to be like? Why? In which ways?
• Which qualities and personality traits do you see in other women/men that you desire to have yourself?
• What personality traits and/or strengths do you see in women/men you know that you would desire for your wife/husband to possess?
• What did you grow up reading/watching? What books have had the greatest impact in defining who you are--children's books, fiction, history, theology, anything. Which authors have you always most enjoyed and/or admired? What films have been influential?
• What is the purpose of the family/what will be the purpose of your family?
• How important is the upbringing of children in the grand scheme of things?
• How significant is it to be entrusted with the guardianship of their souls?
• Do you want children?
• Do you view children as a measure of God’s favor or an added blessing that He may or may not give?
• How do you discipline children?
• What are the duties of children?
• What standard of excellence are they held to?
• Where would we set expectations for them?
• What would their education entail? (History, Science, Theology, Creation/Biology, Music/Arts)
• How do you treat an unsaved child spiritually and practically in the context of a Christian family?
• When does corporal discipline begin?
• How do you begin to train infants?
• What does play look like for children? Free time?
• What attitudes or personality traits are held up as off-limits?
• What words or phrases are off-limits?
• What are the things you appreciate most about the way your parents raised you?
• What would you do differently from your parents?
• Who do you want your children to grow up to be?
• How would we model ourselves to our children? Our lifestyles, traits, personalities, things we laugh at (or don’t laugh at), what we approve of, etc.
• What is your vision for the Church?
• What do you think are some of the main problems of the evangelical churches of today?
• What do you think a Biblical Church looks like? How is it structured?
• What is your view on the church and baptism, the church and communion, the church and evangelism?
• What is the role of music in worship and the Church?